Other Writings

As I sit here and watch you with your back to me, I think of a lot of things that have been talked about. Not just between you and I, but with many different people. One thing after another runs through my mind. Many of which I will try to address to myself, with myself, for myself. This writing is a soul search, putting down these thoughts to try and analyze what is and what isn't .

You said my problem is I listen to everyone else ... TRUE! I do, mainly because I try to please everyone . But it just can't be done.

You say my music is great. So do a lot of other people . And I have listened to them - all of them. WHY? ... Because I wanted to believe them. I did believe them. What has it gotten me? WHERE has it lead me?

'Where'...I can't answer what I don't know. I can only tell you what I see. And what I see is a vicious circle that I have gotten caught in. But I am beginning to see that with each turn and completion of the circle , I wind up at almost the same point basically. It is just a level lower than the last time I transcended that point. In essence, a slow spiral downward; with each turn, it gets darker and more dangerous.

What if all the people that have been telling me they like my music, well, just SUPPOSE they told me all that for the only reason; to placate my ego. Well, I believed them . And I have been chasing rainbows for a while now. But age takes its toll.

My feet hurt from running in circles. If I stop I just continue to slide down this slow spiral. To get out and off this spiral I need to work my way back up, I have to use my tired feet to run back up the spiral . And I don't think I can.

Quit and give up, letting gravity take it's course and just travel on down the spiral to the ultimate end! That doesn't carry much hope, if any at all. The only other alternative I see is to take my tired feet and jump off the spiral and hope I land on ground solid enough that I can heal from the damage caused by the jump and start building a NEW foundation. One with a more solid and sound structure.

Is it quitting? NO! It's realizing I am in a doomed situation and am trying to make a leap of faith that will start a new beginning this late in the game . And it may be just that ... TOO LATE. But at least I will have tried. The leap itself is dangerous enough. It could kill me if I land wrong or jump ill prepared. But at least I will have tried.

You say you love me ... you say you are IN LOVE with me. I have heard that song MANY TIMES before. What I have gained is a daughter that doesn't know me and probably never will. I will let what memories she has be untarnished. I have made friends that have turned to enemies all too often.

If I knew that, I wouldn't be writing this now. So, what do l do? I clean my plate, clean the kitchen, as best as I can and take the leap .

No, it can't happen. I won't let it. I have created to many bittersweet memories that I dare not repeat. It's cold . I will have to get use to the cold. I will be the unknown stranger that makes you smile, while he cries inside, for he cannot allow friends. They get too involved and lost inside him and he carries a heavy burden for partially destroying their lives. By the time they realize what good he did, he is gone. Forever to remain anonymous,

A nameless Johnny Appleseed, that spreads smiles, without involvement. I will clear my debts, fix what I can, then fade away into a grainy old photograph of memory- anonymous to everyone, yet a friend to all, but destined to have no friends. I can be your friend, but you best not be mine for your own sake -it's too lonely, too sad and leads to nothing more than broken promises and heartache. So don't follow me.

Accept what I do and go on. I was not meant for mass consumption , but to be consumed by the masses, one person at a time. I am as air - take a breath of me and enjoy it. For when you exhale, I may be gone.

But someday these individual people may at sometime or another say - that was nice , and as long as I am remembered , just once , by only one , I will not be gone - It is the legacy of a smile -


	THE PIRATE'S CABIN \| home The Story of NC Pirate \| The Stories Behind The Songs \| The Songs \| About "Reflections of Insight" \| Other Writings \| The Treasure Chest \| The Mail Buoy \| Request Library Other Writings Here are a few more writings from Michael, the Pirate. The Legacy of a Smile As I sit here and watch you with your back to me, I think of a lot of things that have been talked about. Not just between you and I, but with many different people. One thing after another runs through my mind. Many of which I will try to address to myself, with myself, for myself. This writing is a soul search, putting down these thoughts to try and analyze what is and what isn't . You said my problem is I listen to everyone else ... TRUE! I do, mainly because I try to please everyone . But it just can't be done. You say my music is great. So do a lot of other people . And I have listened to them - all of them. WHY? ... Because I wanted to believe them. I did believe them. What has it gotten me? WHERE has it lead me? 'What' is easy - deeper in debt and farther from being stable. 'Where'...I can't answer what I don't know. I can only tell you what I see. And what I see is a vicious circle that I have gotten caught in. But I am beginning to see that with each turn and completion of the circle , I wind up at almost the same point basically. It is just a level lower than the last time I transcended that point. In essence, a slow spiral downward; with each turn, it gets darker and more dangerous. I don't like it AT ALL! What if all the people that have been telling me they like my music, well, just SUPPOSE they told me all that for the only reason; to placate my ego. Well, I believed them . And I have been chasing rainbows for a while now. But age takes its toll. My feet hurt from running in circles. If I stop I just continue to slide down this slow spiral. To get out and off this spiral I need to work my way back up, I have to use my tired feet to run back up the spiral . And I don't think I can. My other two choices are simple . Quit and give up, letting gravity take it's course and just travel on down the spiral to the ultimate end! That doesn't carry much hope, if any at all. The only other alternative I see is to take my tired feet and jump off the spiral and hope I land on ground solid enough that I can heal from the damage caused by the jump and start building a NEW foundation. One with a more solid and sound structure. Is it quitting? NO! It's realizing I am in a doomed situation and am trying to make a leap of faith that will start a new beginning this late in the game . And it may be just that ... TOO LATE. But at least I will have tried. The leap itself is dangerous enough. It could kill me if I land wrong or jump ill prepared. But at least I will have tried. So what do l do? You say you love me ... you say you are IN LOVE with me. I have heard that song MANY TIMES before. What I have gained is a daughter that doesn't know me and probably never will. I will let what memories she has be untarnished. I have made friends that have turned to enemies all too often. WHY? If I knew that, I wouldn't be writing this now. So, what do l do? I clean my plate, clean the kitchen, as best as I can and take the leap . New friends? No, it can't happen. I won't let it. I have created to many bittersweet memories that I dare not repeat. It's cold . I will have to get use to the cold. I will be the unknown stranger that makes you smile, while he cries inside, for he cannot allow friends. They get too involved and lost inside him and he carries a heavy burden for partially destroying their lives. By the time they realize what good he did, he is gone. Forever to remain anonymous, the unknown stranger... Alone as he needs to be. A nameless Johnny Appleseed, that spreads smiles, without involvement. I will clear my debts, fix what I can, then fade away into a grainy old photograph of memory- anonymous to everyone, yet a friend to all, but destined to have no friends. I can be your friend, but you best not be mine for your own sake -it's too lonely, too sad and leads to nothing more than broken promises and heartache. So don't follow me. Accept what I do and go on. I was not meant for mass consumption , but to be consumed by the masses, one person at a time. I am as air - take a breath of me and enjoy it. For when you exhale, I may be gone. But someday these individual people may at sometime or another say - that was nice , and as long as I am remembered , just once , by only one , I will not be gone - It is the legacy of a smile - So smile in that brief moment of recollection ---- FOR THE LEGACY OF A SMILE......... Want to tour another section?